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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – what do you mean by flow of life in right direction.
Body – explain how compassion and non- violence led to life in that proper direction.
You can use determinants of proper life like – happiness, peaceful, purposeful, life in line with Dharma, service to weaker etc.
Conclusion – conclude highlighting essentiality of human value in life
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Shubhashree,
You have good content but your answer doesn’t satisfy the Demand of the question.
Your introduction must be focus on proper direction of life (leads to good life) which is much more than the persuading one’s ambition.
Core focus should be why human values are important for moving life in proper direction. You have written that part as conclusion.
Nonviolence and compassion are just few of those values, so you should have depicted their importance in brief.
Content is not at all an issue with you. Just read question multiple times if you have to. But write it on the Right lines.
Keep writing:)
2.5/10
Refid #422544
Ref_id #422544
Anupam
You have not understood the demand of the question well.
The question was about role of values like compassion and non-violence in taking life in proper direction.
You have written what you have known.
Try to mold your arguments as per the demand of the question.
Read other students answers to get an idea of right answer.
Keep writing to improve further đ
Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal
You have good content. But need to mold it as per the need of the question.
The question asks how values like compassion and non-violence led life to proper direction.
So, first you are supposed to explain what proper direction of life means to you. Then explain how compassion and non-violence leads to it. Substantiate this with example.
Use mentors comment to understand demand of the question.
Keep Writing đ
2.5/10
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Kartikey
Your introduction is good. You can improve it further by adding what do you understand by proper direction of life.
In body part, you need to concise your example. You have taken near half page to explain your example. Shorten it to 1-2 lines only. With this you could have time to add more points and dimensions to your answer.
In conclusion, I couldn’t not understand what you wanted to say by the last line. Check it again.
Keep writing to improve further đ
3.5/10
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Harshaa
As again pointed out you have good content and aptitude to use it smartly. But you to take care of few things on urgent basis –
1. Your answer are missing structure.
Write in small paragraphs. Change paragraph when you change idea.
Introduction and conclusion must compulsory by different paragraph of answer.
2. Write with proper word limits. In 10 marker question write between 140-160 words. You have written less than half of that.
3. Use examples in your answer to give depth to your arguments.
Keep writing to improve further đ
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Ankita
The question was not how values are inculcated. If that would have been the question your answer it very good.
But the question was how values like compassion and non-violence leds us to the proper direction in life.
For this question your whole first page is irrelevant to larger extent.
You have written some things related to question demand in last few lines of Ashoka example.
Avoid it to get good score.
Use mentors comment to get an idea of demand of question and write accordingly.
In this question you are supposed to explain what is proper direction of life. How values like compassion help us achieve it. Then substantiate this with examples.
Keep writing to improve further:)
2.5/10
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Arpit,
You have good content but use it as per the demand of the question.
Your introduction part is good. But you need to concise it. First whole page is supposed to be one paragraph only.
In main body part you have not addressed core demand of the question. It was not about importance of human values in general.
You have to explain importance of human values in properly directed life.
Always keep in mind the demand of the question.
Keep writing to improve further.
2.5/10
Please review
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Utkarsha
Your introduction it good. But only first paragraph is enough. What you have written after first paragraph is not related to answer and thus wastage of time and words.
In main body part you have not understood the demands of questions. Nowhere in question it was asked about determinants of proper life. Try to use words from questions as heading so that you have in mind all times what is asked.
See mentors comment to understand demand of the question and then mould your arguments for that sense.
Keep writing to improve further đ
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Aabha
You have not understood the demand of the question well. It is not about what is compassion and non-violence.
It was about how these human values help us steer of proper direction in life.
You don’t have to pick some keywords and explain them.
Explain the keywords in the context they are asked.
Also, what you have written in definition of compassion is not totally correct. Understand this term well.
Read mentors comment to get and idea of the demand of the question.
Order number #0000420396
@swatantra
Rohan
You have not understood the demand of the question well.
First of all, the question was about the positive values of compassion and non-violence. And you have written whole first page about violence and death. Not a good way to answer. Always try to sound positive in attitude.
Secondly, the question was about how human values of compassion and non-violence help us move in a life with proper direction. You have touched this core demand of the answer in last part of your answer and that too vaguely.
Try to write concise introduction, followed by answering core demand of the question and then concise conclusion.
Keep writing to improve further đ
@swatantra thanks for the insights… I sometimes get stuck in these abstract answers as to how to structure the answer. Could you please guide me on this?
pay_HH4AoVE2qPd386 please review
Shivanshu
First thing, UPSC provides only 2 pages for 10 marker question. Always adhere to guidelines of UPSC for word limits.
On first page, you have written introduction well in first paragraph. But definition given after that are not required for this answer.
You have the content but you need to mould that as per the demand of the question.
You have written some good points, but they are hidden in unnecessary examples especially given on page 2.
You need examples but they can’t be your whole answer.
Always follow the rule of one argument followed by one example.
Keep writing to improve further
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Your introduction is good and well articulated.
You can improve in some areas-
1. Make definitions like you have given for compassion and non-violence as natural flow of your answer. Abruptly giving them in boxes doesn’t look good.
2. Yours arguments for body part of the answer are also good. But molding them so that they look like working to move life in proper direction would give more weightage to your answer
3. Always try to give diagram/ schematics in box with proper label.
Keep writing to improve further
Payment Id : 115213946268
Vivek,
You have written a well articulated answer.
Some areas to improve-
1. You need to incorporate examples in your answer.
Follow the rule of one argument followed by one example.
2. You can improve structure of your answer. Try to thing answer first in mind and then write it to have a more natural flow to your answer.
Keep writing to improve further đ
Order id: 0000422561
@swatantra sir please review. Sorry for late uploading.
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