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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – define urbanization.
Body –
Explain how urbanization is hidden in India – official figure is less than actual figures in terms of percentage of Urban Areas in India; areas like urban character not counted as urban. Use points like these.
Explain how urbanization is messy ? – Slums, lack of infrastructure, administration gap etc.
Conclusion – give a forward looking conclusion regarding Indian urbanization
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hello!!sir, i’ve tried writing one answer, humbly waiting for the feedback@swatantra
Monika,
Overall all you have written well.
However there are following Issues-
1. You need to give better definition of urbanisation.
2. Your Introduction is lengthy, need to concise it.
3. Quote you source specially when you make a claim that urbanisation is hidden.
4. You need to give equitable space to both sections. Give more detailed write up to second section as well. And add more points to way forward as well.
Your expression, structure of the answer and arrangements of the argument is good. You have Aptly used graph in answer.
Keep practicing for further improvement :
Note- Pls mention payment Id with you next answer otherwise it will not be evaluated.
Refid# 422544
Anupam,
You Introduction is well articulated and conclusion is fine.
Mention official figures of urbanisation than only you can prove urbanisation is hidden.
You have given very good arugments for first part.
Second section is also written fine.
There is nice flow in the answer.
However you need to write more words for each Section and without writing way forward this answer is incomplete. So write more points in each section and way forward.
I admire your consistency. Keep practicing for further improvement:)
3.5/10
pay_HH1EGxOD3EGEhl pls review @swatantra sir
Shubhashree,
Your Introduction is well articulated and Conclusion is fine.
You have given two different figures (34% and 31%) for Indian Urban population which can be neglected in normal answer but not in question like this which demands comparison of statistics.
Also write source of Indian population data.
You can add more points for hidden urbanisation like issue with the official criteria, consideration of agriculture as characteristic of rural areas etc.
Second section is written good but prioritization of points can be better.
In suggestions you need to write points related to hidden urbanisation as well.
Rest is fine.
stay consistent, Keep practicing for further improvement:)
4.5/10
Payment Id pay_HHlJ1R1WIIMdGT
Gaurishankar 3,
Introduction can be written better, define urbanisation in Introduction.
You should always quote source of your data. It becomes more important in questions like this.
Before writing reasons why urbanisation is hidden you need to prove that it’s hidden. For that you need to compare official data with reports like of UN Population or UN DESA etc.
Add more points to your second section.
You must write suggestions as way forward separately from your Conclusion. Without which this a answer is Incomplete.
Address all the aspects of the question. Keep practicing đ
Payment id-HJHAZEWKSzM3CX
Ankita ,
My words may sound harsh to you but despite being suggested on multiple occasions you keeps repeating the mistakes like writing long Introductions and long paragraphs, using more than standard space, no clear segregation between different part of the answer. Non repetition of mistakes is the first step in improvement. Pls avoid that.
Overall your content is very good. Analytical abilities also fine. But you need to refine it more and concise your Argument.
After proving that urbanisation is hidden in India you should write reasons behind that no need to write case of Bihar. Add points here like Issues with official criteria, Poor statistical Practices, consideration of agriculture as rural activities etc.
After that you had to write problems in urban areas for which you need to mold your arugements so to make it more relatable.
Mentioning govt steps is not enough. When you write challenges of any issue you need to write suggestions which addresses all the challenges you have mentioned then only it will be a complete answer.
So present your knowledge as per the demand of the question, address all the aspects and don’t repeat same mistakes again for improvement.
stay consistent and. Keep practicing:)
3.5/10
Razor payment id – HHOoNABVzCCLcD
Aabha,
Your Introduction is well articulated and Conclusion is fine.
In body before writing why urbanisation is hidden you need to prove it. Cite report like world bank’s 2015 report on South Asiaâs urbanisation (this statement is from the same report) and compare it with Official statistics of Govt. About urbanisation.
Also in reason first three points are essentially linked. Rather add points likes issues in official definition of urbanisation like consideration of male population in workforce, consideration of agriculture as rural activity only etc.
For organic flow write 1-2 lines linking statement about Second section. Use facts for giving weightage to your points otherwise these all seems very generic points.
In the end you need to write suggestion to address both of these issues. Without which this answer is Incomplete.
Develop a habit of writing suggestion/solutions Wherever you cite Challenges or criticise something in your answer. It should be written separately from Conclusion
I admire your consistency, keep practicing for further improvement:)
payment id – HR7puUb8tYJMNL @swatantra sir
Maira,
You have started your answer in the right track. But you couldn’t justify the demand of the question.
You have rightly pointed out the source of the statement but in answer you need to talk about the statement not the what was given in that report.
First you need to prove that urbanisation is hidden by quoting report’s estimation of 55% of India’s urbanisation and comparing it with Official data.
Then you should talk about why urbanisation is hidden writing points like outdated criteria for Urban areas, non consideration of city fringes with urban like amenities as urban, consideration of agriculture as inherently rural activity etc.
Then you should have written challenge (add facts to give depth to your Argument) and suggested solutions.
Also always try to address all the issues of the question in suggestions. Add points here to solve issue of hidden urbanisation.
You have very good content and your analytical abilities are also dood. Expression and flow in the answer is good.
But you need to present your knowledge in such a way which is more related to the demand of the question.
Keep practicing:)
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Your Introduction is fine. But Conclusion can be Written much better.
You have Written answer in the right direction but it doesn’t fully satisfied demand of the question.
It’s not necessary that you have to write Always in points format. Use paragraphs for analytical section.
In hidden urbanisation part you should write a paragraph to compare both official indian figures and data from reports of UN DESA or world bank’s report on South Asiaâs urbanisation which claims urbanisation in india is around 55% much more then official figures around 33-34%. This will prove more effectively urbanisation in india is hidden then the way you have Written.
Than write 3-4 points about why urbanisation is hidden.
For organic flow write 1-2 line connecting paragraph while shifting to another section.
Choose your heading wisely. First heading in messy section is over-urbanisation which is counter to the question. Write full spellings not what’sapp lingos (prblm).
You have written both messy section and suggestions vey well. However in suggestions you should have addressed issue of hidden urbanisation as well.
Always try to address all the Challenges that you have written in your suggestions.
I admire your consistency. Keep practicing for further improvement:)
3.5/10
Payment Id: pay HFrdyJMOEZ9967. Please review, Sir.
Sumita ,
Your Introduction is good.
Overall this attempt is fine. Structured, with good expression.
However you need to work upon writing concise arguments.
Write maximum 2 or 3 lines with facts. This will give you space for writing more points. So concise your Arguements and add more points in first part.
Write 1-2 line linking statement when you switch aspects. No need to write numbers when there is only one point. In hidden urbanisation section also write reasons behind hidden urbanisation.
In way forward you should try to address all the issues that you have pointed out. So also give suggestions for hidden urbanisation as well.
Conclusion is missing in your answer. Always conclude your answer.
Stay consistency and Keep practicing đ
pay_HHogiMPYpQ87sC
Kartikey,
Your Introduction is fine but Conclusion can be written better.
Your content is overall is good but answer is Incomplete.
Here you haven’t address the aspects why urbanisation is hidden correctly.
I suggest you to read mentor’s Comments whenever you fine it’s hard to understand the demand of the question.
Basically you had to compare the claim made by various reports like of UN DESA or World Bank’s report on urbanisation in south Asia which claimed around 55% India is urbanised but Official figures are only 33-34%. Then write reasons for such differences.
Then only your answer will be complete.
Rest is written well.
Maintain consistency and Keep writing. your all the answers will be evaluated đ
Payment Iâd HHU8LODcXby9Db
Arpit,
You have good and right content but you haven’t understood and addressed the core demand of the question. Hence you have only partially justified the demand.
Whenever you find it hard to interpret take the help of Mentor’s Comments.
There are two aspects of the question.
1. Urbanisation is hidden- actual urbanisation in India much more then the official figures as claimed by reports of UN and world bank. Write reasons for such differences in the claim like outdated Definition of urbanisation, lack of proper data management etc.
2. Urbanisation is messy- you have addressed that part only in your answer but for that too you have mold your argument so to make it more relatable.
3. You need to write way forward to solve these two issues. This needs to be separated from your Conclusion.
maintain consistency. Keep practicing đ
2.5/10
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
Overall you have written a good answer.
Introduction and conclusion is very well articulated.
However you need to Inculcate facts to support arguments. It will add value to your answer.
Also whenever your write criticism or challenges of something you should always write solutions. You have Written that but it should be written separately from the conclusion.
Rest is fine. Keep practicing đ
4.5/10
ID-HJjQFLvck5DhqQ
Please review
@swatantra
Sana,
Always notice the marks mentioned along with the question. It’s a 10 marks question.
Your Introduction and Conclusion is fine.
Overall you have written a good answer. But you need to write more effective points for the Reasons behind hidden urbanisation section.
Here write reasons like issues with the criteria of urban areas like use of male population in estimation, consideration of agriculture as inherently rural activities, reluctance of Villages leaders to be considered Urban due to various benefits etc.
Add more facts to support your arguments. And always write solutions to each problem you have pointed out in the question to make them holistic.
Rest is fine. Keep practicing for further improvement:)
kindly review @swatantra sir
ref id #420326
Deepali,
Overall you have Written a good answer.
Your Introduction is very well articulated.
In hidden section cite reports of UN DESA or World Bank’s report on urbanisation in South Asia 2015, which claimed around 55% urbanisation in India.
Though your discussion on reasons behind hidden urbanisation if good but here your can add more points.
For value addition Inculcate facts in messy urbanisation section.
In way forward section you need add add more points. Also write suggestions related to hidden urbanisation issue as well.
Conclusion is fine.
Keep practicing for further improvement đ
4.5/10
pay_HH4AoVE2qPd386 please review @swatantra
Shivanshu,
your Introduction is good.
For organic arrangement of answer you need to write definition first then your first para. It will give flow and natural linkage to your hidden urbanisation discussion.
Here you need to add more reasons for behind hidden urbanisation like issues with the official criteria, reluctance of village leadership to urban recognition due to various benefits, poor statistical Practices etc.
Write 1-2 link linking paragraph when you switch between different aspects.
Try to give headings which are more relatable to the question. Use messy urbanisation as a heading.
In issues and way forward you have written very generic points. Add more effective points and Inculcate facts especially in issues section to add Value to your answer.
Conclusion can be Written much better.
Keep practicing đ
i want to join this course but i am seeing that sir is not providing review of even 5-6 days old answer….although it is written that review will be provided in 72 hrs
Siddharth,
I hope this message finds you in good health.
These are tough times and I am going through a bit of tough times family health wise and I personally evaluate all the answers that’s why there is a bit delay in evaluation.
Secondly getting delayed but quality evaluation is more fruitful then getting none.
I invite you to join the program. I am putting all the efforts to evaluate answers on time.
Stay safe:)
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