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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – define what are emotions with example are
Body –
Write about negative sides of emotions.
Argue for positive role Played for Emotions.
Focus should be on positive role
Close your debate by giving support to emotions in administration.
Conclusion – importance of Emotions and emotional intelligence in administration.
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Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal,
Your answer is good. However, you can further improve it –
1. Your example need rephrasing. Instead of giving abstract example try to give example from life of famous personalities. And that too in concise words – 1/2 lines.
2. Use more concrete points. Most of your arguments look general statements. Eg. You could have explained how emotions result in certain issues like biasness, lack of courage etc. And again, how they provide strength.
3. Don’t use short form like “iq” “EQ”.
Keep writing to improve further:)
Payment Id: pay HFrdyJMOEZ9967. Please review, Sir.
Sumita 6.5
You have written a very good answer. Very well articulated and supported by very good arguments.
there is nothing much to add. though presentation can be improved a little.
Rest is fine
Keep writing with this style. You will surely get good marks:)
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Subhashree
Your introduction is good. But one suggestion I would like to suggest. Although, your example in itself is not wrong. But you could have give example of positive emotion in introduction. The choice of example present our personality and it’s always better to present ourselves as a positive person.
Secondly, the question was not about explain emotions. What you have written in 1st page and 1st paragraph of 2nd page was not asked in this question.
You have attempted real demand of question in only last 2 paragraph of the answer.
Always read carefully what is asked and then attempt, You’ll get good score only when you address the core demand of the question with due regard.
Keep writing to improve further đ
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Santosh,
You have to learn how to judiciously use your words in the answer. Keep following points in mind to improve your answers –
1. You don’t have to explain each and every word of the question before coming or address real demand of the question. Here the main key word was emotion. You could have explained that only.
Always remember the UPSC CSE syllabus. Emotional intelligence is word mentioned in syllabus, so it is a keyword.
2. Don’t write excessive long examples to explain simple things. You whole first page example can be concised to – ” baggage of personal emotions can hamper objectivity of the civil servant”.
3. Write short paragraphs. With your handwriting style long paragraph makes your answer look messy.
Think on these lines.
You are making these mistakes in nearly every answer.
I hope you take note of suggestions and write improved answer if you really want to gain something out of this program.
3.5/10.
Refid# 422544
Anupam,
You answer is very well crafted and attempted.
Only issue is you have used very less points to substantiate core dimension of the answer – importance of emotions.
Add more points to get good score. Try to write atleast 130-140 words. It was also suggest to you earlier to write more words. Take note of suggestions Work on your weaknesses to get good marks.
Keep writing to improve further:)
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Arpit,
Your introduction is good.
In main body part you have just listed down the emotions can guide administrative actions or not.
It is not wrong. But you can get more score if you justify sequentially what your view is and why if your opinion is asked
You could have explained initially in Weberian administration emotions were not supposed to be good. Explain why ?
However, in development administration of 21st century emotions are important. Explain why ?
This way you can add more depth to you answer
Keep writing to improve further:)
4.5/10
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Harshaa,
You have certainly improved from you past answers. But it need further improvement. your answer can be improved to level of good answer by improving in areas –
1. Don’t make claims in answer about which you are not sure. E.g. you have written 2 times that only humans have emotions. It is certainly wrong statement. Nearly every living being posses emotions.
2. You need to improve structure of your answer. There are certain points which are repeated again and again.
Think of structure before writing to give a smooth flow to arguments in your answers.
3. Add examples in your answer.
You are going good. Keep writing to improve further:)
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Ankita
You have attempted the whole question about what are emotions. This was not the actual question asked.
Read the question carefully before attempting it and try to mould your knowledge to justify the question.
In this question you were supposed to write how in earlier Weberian bureaucracy emotions were considered as bad but in modern administration emotions are considered important. You have give points within these thoughts.
Keep writing to improve further:)
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Kartikeya
You have writen good introduction.
However, in body part of the answer you have to improve certain areas-
1. Emotions are bad, it is a Weberian bureaucracy thought. In modern administration emotions are considered important for civil servants.
2. The example you have give need improvement. Give example which depicts positive side of your character.
Keep writing to improve further:)
Please review Sir
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Utkarsha,
In this question you were supposed to discuss it with your opinion as whether emotions are good or not for civil servants.
Simply listing down positive or negative emotions do not justify demand of the question.
In this question you were supposed to write how in Weberian bureaucracy emotions are considered bad. Write arguments for it.
Then explain that in modern administration emotions are considered important for civil servants. Give arguments for it.
Read mentor’s comment. Also, read other students answers to get an idea of demand of the question.
Keep writing to improve further:)
@swatantraIdpay_HJ2s89guguFYwg
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Your introduction is good.
In main body part you have written well. But you are still committing the some mistakes. As pointed out earlier too schematics/ diagram must be properly labelled as what they supposed to express.
In conclusion too, try to give a proper concluding remarks:)
4.5/10
kindly review
ref id 420326
Deepali,
Your introduction is well written.
Main body part is also well written.
Only suggestion for you is to incorporate examples in your answer to give depth to your answers. Especially in role of emotions in administration you must substantiate it by example.
Conclusion is also good.
Keep writing to improve further.
5.5/10
Payment Id : 115213946268
Vivek 3
You have written whole answer in general sense of importance of emotions.
The question was specifically about the role of emotions in life of civil servants.
By neglecting this aspect your whole answer has taken another direction.
Read carefully before attempting the question.
Keep writing to improve further.
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
House
You have written a well articulated answer with good arguments. It is also well supported by examples.
Only suggestion for you is to avoid abbreviations like “EQ” you have used. Always try to use full words.
Overall well attempted answer.
Keep practicing:)
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Shivanshu
It seems you have read just few keywords of the question and wrote your answer for that.
The question was not about general importance or problems of emotions. It was specifically asked about their role for civil servants.
Always read question carefully before attempting.
Also remember try to give subheadings which are related to the question. E.g. subheading given by you – “emotional intelligence – a solution”. It looks a good heading for essay. But remember it a paper 4, 10 marker question.
Read other students answers who has got 6 or more marks to get an idea of demand of the question.
Keep writing to improve further:)
2.5/10
Order id: 0000422561
Vishnu,
Explaining every word independently can’t be your answer.
You have to read the whole line as one and than write answer to that.
What you have written is not answer.
Read other students copies to get an idea of the good answer.
Keep writing to improve further:)
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