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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – define conscience with example.
Body – give arguments to support how doing action in line with clear conscience don’t have to fear anybody.
Explain how it saves individual from crisis of conscience.
Substantiate these with example.
Conclusion – give remark that support the importance of clear conscience
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Subhashree,
In your introduction you need to concise it a little bit. First three paragraph of your answer seems only extension of introduction. Merge them together to make it more enrich and to avoid repetition.
Use that space for more Arguments
In main body part you have given good arguments. However, my advise is to work on few things-
1. Your use to bracket seems so arbitrary. In some places even main arguments are placed within bracket. If you want to use them, use in a more structured manner.
2. Don’t use abbreviations like you did with “EI”.
3. In conscience and crisis of conscience paragraph, it seems you need more concept clarity. Conscience is the voices of inner soul. And when you don’t follow it crisis of conscience happens.
Conclusion is well written.
Keep practicing:)
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Ankita
You have written ” importance of conscience”. However, this was not the question.
In this question you were supposed to discuss first, what can be fear for civil servants – action by seniors, transfer, crisis of conscience, political pressure. The You were supposed to explain how a person with clear conscience don’t have to think for these fears.
You have to mould your arguments for this answer.
Keep writing to improve further.
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Your answer is well written. Few points to make it more profound-
1. Instead of explaining importance on first page you could have explained fear for civil servants. And then explain how these fear go away because of clear conscience.
Fear like – transfer, punishment posting, crisis of conscience
2. Your conclusion need improvement. It should written in a positive way.
Keep writing to improve further đ
4.5/10
Please review sir
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Sushmita ,
You write more refined definition of conscience. In simple terms Conscience is the voics of inner soul.
Question doesn’t ask you to write Importance of the Conscience. It essentially ask you to illustrate how a Civil servant or any person with clear and innocent conscience doesn’t fear the hardships that he may face.
Instead of explaining importance you could have explained first fear for civil servants like – transfer, punishment posting, crisis of conscience. And then explain how these fear go away because of clear conscience.
Mold your arguments as per the demand of the question. Take help of Mentor’s Comments.
Read others’ answer for better understanding.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Kartikey
Overall you have Written a very good answer.
However you must avoid negative examples like you have given of Sardar Bhagat Singh killing Saunders as no matter what is the end cause killing someone can never be justified, even Sardar himself regretted it.
Also you have Written only examples in the second page. Illustrate with examples doesn’t mean you have to write only examples.
Here you need to write Arguments point out values involved and how conscience pushes person to stick to them then use these examples to substantiate your arguments.
Keep practicing đ
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
Write more refine definition of Conscience. Also concise you intro.
Your arguments are Good but they are not as per the demand of the question.
You have written ” importance of conscience” in one and half page However, this was not asked in the question.
Rather you need to expand adverse situation Section.
In this question you were supposed to discuss what can be fear for civil servants – action by seniors, transfer, crisis of conscience, political pressure etc then you were supposed to explain how a person with clear conscience don’t have to think for these fears.
Read the question properly. If you find it hard to interpret take help of Mentor’s Comments.
Your arguments are fine but mould them as per the demand of the question.
Keep practicing:)
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Shivanshu,
Write more refined definition of Conscience. In simple terms Conscience is voice of Antaratma i.e. inner soul.
Essentially you have written the same statement but with more words.
You need to give arguments that illustrate the truthfulness of the statement.
Rather In this question you were supposed to discuss various fears of a person like fear for civil servants- such as action by seniors, transfer, crisis of conscience, political pressure. The You were supposed to explain how a person with clear conscience don’t have to think for these fears.
Briefly explain first why crisis of conscience occurs the how clear conscience helps in avoiding it.
This has been pointed out to you earlier as well that write examples along with your arguments writing them in the end are less impactful.
Read others answers for better understanding and Keep practicing:)
2.5/10
kindly review @swatantra sir
ref id #420326
Deepali,
Your Introduction is fine however for refined definition of Conscience can be given. In simple words it essentially means voice of antaratma i.e. inner soul.
Add more argument talk about crisis of conscience and how clear and innocent conscience helps in avoiding it.
you need to add more examples in your answer. Each for every argument specially when key word is illustrate with example.
When you write words from language other then your medium of examination explain them or write their meaning in brackets.
Overall it was a fine Attempt. Keep practicing:)
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