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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – write some facts about India’s population.
Body – write about problem of high population. Explain it with example.
Counter it by telling facts about India population. (Economic survey saying India moving towards population stabilization)
Add points how India young population is an asset.
Conclusion – give a forward looking statement regarding population management and sustainable national development.
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Nyyc attempt
Deepika,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine.
You have written answer but there are following issues.
1. Your answer lacks flow. Your one part ends abruptly and another starts suddenly. Try to link different parts with one two lines.
2. You don’t have to write headings like Introduction can Conclusion it’s naturally understood as first and last part.
2. Content wise your write up is decent but not wholistic.
Whole answer would contain- problems caused by high population, then population as dividend, challenges in realising that dividend than suggestions and Conclusion (conclusion and way forward are not the same).
Work upon above suggestions. Keep practicing đ
5.5/15
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Subhashree 5,
Your Introduction is fine. Diagram used aptly.
First of the question is written fine. Except a factual error It’s more than half century for India’s independence.
How ever your Second part is both inadequate and incomplete.
First para on second page- in most cases high population with low income a liability not an asset. So form better statement.
You have written just one para about population being an asset add more point in this section.
After that there are two other aspect that an examiner will expect. First what are the Challenges in realisation of demographic dividend and suggestions. Than only it will be a wholistic answer.
You write good answers. But there is still scope of Improvement. Keep practicing for that đ
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Rahul,
Your Introduction is fine.
First part of the question is Written well however repetition in last para can be avoided.
You haven’t addressed rest of the question satisfactorily. Add more points in population being an asset.
Then write some challenges in realising demographic divided. Then write suggestions separately from Conclusion.
You have enough content but you must address all the possible aspects of a question.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
5.5/15
Please review @Swatantra sir
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Prashant,
Your Introduction is fine.
However you failed in understanding the demand of the question hence couldn’t address it satisfactorily.
It doesn’t ask you to write various Govt steps their impacts Vis-a-vis population.
Here you had to talk about various problems associated with high population, then changing perception as demographic dividend being an opportunity, then write Challenges in realisation of this dividend and suggest way forward.
Read question properly and try to understand it’s demand and address all the possible aspects.
Keep practicing đ
3.5/15
Please review it
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Ankita,
Your Introduction is fine.
Better reasons behind huge population can be cited your first reason need better framing like imbalance between birth and death rate and Second reason is vague.
Also India celebrate its 73rd Independence Day last year.
In main body you haven’t addressed changing perception about population part. Here you had to write about demographic dividend.
After that should have written challenges in realisation of this dividend then suggestions. Then only answer will be wholistic.
Read question properly and address all the possible aspects.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Aabha,
Your Introduction is fine but focus on India not need to give stats about Chinese population.
It has been pointed to you earlier as well that you need to be concise and direct in your Argument.
When you have given ‘problems associated with high population’ then no need to write it again in points rather directly write problems. And use facts to substantiate your arugments.
Again label your diagram. Without which it doesn’t make any sense.
There are two other aspects of the question that needs to be addressed which I haven’t pointed out in mentor’s Comments, however you need to develop ability to identify and address these aspects.
After pointing out opportunities you should have written challenges for their realisation and then suggestions as way forward.
You need to identify all the possible aspects of a question.
Conclusion is fine. Keep practicing đ
4.5/15
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Please review @Swatantra Sir
Your Introduction and Conclusion if fine.
Your writeup is good but it’s Incomplete.
This question demands other two aspects to be addressed which you need to learn identify. I haven’t mentioned these aspects on purpose.
After writing opportunities, you need to write hurdles in its realisation then suggestions to achieve it. Then only it will be a complete answer.
Rest is well written. Keep practicing:)
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Santosh 3,
Your Introduction is good. However you need to improve on following things-
1. Diagrams can’t be a replacement for a core part of the question (asked explicitly in the question) so give proper write up to problem part
2. In Second part last two points are not opportunities due to population rather steps to make realisation of this opportunity.
3. There is no organic linkages between your various parts of the question. Write 1-2 lines to link one section with another.
4. Also keep an important thing in mind that when ever a question asked you to write about realisation of potential of something you must also write about the hurdles in realisation and then suggestions for realisation as way forward then only it’ll be wholistic answer.
Don’t repeat mistakes, work upon suggestions for improvement.
Keep writing:)
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Kartikey,
Overall you have Written a fine answer.
However you have given too much space to problems part, concise it, and Focus more on Opportunity part.
After proving population as an Opportunity write Challenges in realisation of it. Then expand on suggestion separately from Conclusion.
In Conclusion talk about a balance approach to be taken with family planning and population stablisation measures and steps to ensure realisation of demographic dividend.
Keep practicing:)
6.5/15
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Please review
@swatantra sir
Sana,
Your Introduction is fine. Conclusion is well articulated.
First part of the Question is Written well.
The economic survey didn’t deny the future estimates of the population by UN or any other reports it just say that India about to achieve population stablisation. So mold your Arguments in first paragraph of second page and concise it in 1-2 lines and use it just as a linking statement no need talk in detail about it.
Add more points changing perception section like due to international angle, Declining population in developed countries and need of working as population India can supply workforce.
Concise ‘Govt. Steps’ section.
Keep an important thing in mind that when ever a question asked you to write about realisation of potential of something you must also write about the hurdles in realisation and then suggestions or way forward then only it’ll be wholistic answer.
Overall your attempt is fine but it needs to be wholistic.
Keep practicing:)
6.5/15
Please review @ Swatantra Sir. PAYMENT ID _HQ3P5UFSBXxM9V
Saheli ,
The very first line of your Introduction accepts population as hurdle. How can you do the justice with the question ?
Rather mold your Introduction by saying population traditionally seen as hurdle.
You have not addressed problems associated with population section.
Give it a proper write up.
Population as opportunity section is written fine.
It’s good that your Written challenges in ripening this opportunity but they needs to be discuss in detail. It’s a 15 marks questions.
Also suggest some measure to achive demographic dividend in way forward then write conclusion separately.
You have fine content but You need to address all the part of the question and Write more words for a 15 marks question. You’ll get 3 pages for a 15 marks question so follow standard UPSC practice.
Keep writing:)
4.5/15
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Arpit,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine.
Again you have repeated the same mistake of addressing a core part (explicitly asked in the question) by a diagram. Give it a proper write up and use facts to substantiate your arguments.
Second Section have Written very well.
After then you should have written challenges in realisation of this opportunity such as illiteracy, low skill and employability issue, middle income trap, slowdown etc.
Then only suggestions you have written will be useful.
You have good content just address all the possible aspects.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Shivanshu,
Intro is fine but you should avoid making factual error in Introduction it’s self (1.60 billion est. is for the year 2048 not 2025)
Diagram is unnecessarily used when you discussed issues in detail. Avoid repetition Rather draw diagram for ‘reasons of High population’.
It’s pointed out to you earlier as well to improve expression. It’s hard to understand at times what you want to say.
Prioritise your points better law and order issue cannot be first point. Add facts in your answer to support your arguments.
There is inferring repetition in Opportunity section. Otherwise it’s written fine. But you need to add facts here as well.
Before suggesting way forward you must write challenge in encashment of this opportunity than only way forward will be more apt.
Keep practicing đ
kindly review @swatantra sir
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Deepali,
Introduction is written fine. But it can be concise use of 1-2 facts is enough.
It’s good you have addressed reasons for high population. For it you can also draw a diagram as it’s not a core aspect but have implications for the question.
Issues part is really very well Written.
However you need to add more points in ‘population as asset section’.
Last three points are the ways for realisation of this opportunity, but they doesn’t signify population as opportunity.
Use these points in suggestions or way forward.
To make your answer wholistic you must also talk about hurdles in realisation of demographic dividend and then suggest measure using previous points.
Conclusion is very well articulated.
Keep practicing:)
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