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Q.1) “Goals of Poverty eradication and national development can not be realized without active and empowered women” comment (15 marks)

Written by

Swatantra

in

“Mentor’s Comments”

Introduction

Highlight the status of poverty in India with the help of facts and point out how poverty being a hurdle in National Development

Body
Establish why it is essential to empower women for achieving the goals of Poverty removal and national development citing reasons like half of country’s population, empowered woman with greater agency over her body leads to lower fertility, potential work force, leadership roles etc

Then Write about the various challenges in achieving women empowerment and give some steps to empower women.

Conclude with remarks that depict Women Empowerment being essential for India’s development.

 

Comments

31 responses to “Q.1) “Goals of Poverty eradication and national development can not be realized without active and empowered women” comment (15 marks)”

  1. shubham yadav Avatar
    shubham yadav

    Please review it sir
    Payment Id-pay_HHhwlNw9vfR4HH

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Shubham,

      Your Introduction is fine. Next paragraph is very well articulated.

      Next two paragraphs must be concise and jump to the core demand of the question.

      You missed the most important part of the question that is why their Empowerment is important.
      Your points under same headings related to hurdle in Empowerment.

      Here mold your arguements and write points like with women empowerment we can realise more vibrant democracy and broad based decision making, acc. to IMF Indian Economy can be enhanced by 27% with equitable women participation in labour Force, Greater agency to Women will help in family planning and population control etc.

      With writing above points you whole Answer is less effective.

      Mold your Arguments as per the Demand of the question and keep practicing 🙂

  2. Harshaa Sharma Avatar
    Harshaa Sharma

    Idpay_HJ2s89guguFYwg

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Harsha ,

      You have written in right direction.
      But you need to write it for a 15 marks.

      Add more points in each section substantiate them with facts.

      Add more words in your answer. Follow upsc standard Practices such half hearted efforts will not benefit you.

      Keep practicing 🙂

  3. Rajesh Reddy Avatar
    Rajesh Reddy

    please review it sir order no #0000422220

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Rajesh ,
      Your Introduction is fine. Conclusion is good

      Overall you have Written a fine answer. However following things you need to improve:-
      1. Manage your space given properly. You left too much space unused in first two pages and created a mess on last pages.
      2. Underlines headings of various sections.
      3. You need to give more effective write up for core part that is need of women empowerment.
      Add facts in yours answer to support your arguments.
      4. You have written ‘challenges and initiatives take’ fine but you need to give them more equitable space and add a section for suggestions also.

      Keep practicing for further improvement:)

  4. Murari Jha Avatar
    Murari Jha

    UPI REference NO.-114715258066

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Murari,

      You have written a very good Introduction.
      You have addressed all the sections of the question. However content need to be improved.

      Give more space to first part, that is why women empowerment is essential, add Economic, political and Environmental angles.

      You have missed political and economic aspects in challenge too.

      You need to write smaller points but with diverse coverage. Add value to your answer write facts with points.

      Conclusion can be better, try to be more optimistic in conclusion.
      Don’t write heading ‘conclusion’ it’s apparent.
      Keep practicing 🙂

  5. AABHA RANI Avatar
    AABHA RANI

    Razor payment id- HHOoNABVzCCLcD

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Aabha,

      Your Introduction is fine. Conclusion can be Written Better.

      You have written all the section of the answer. However you need to write Supportive facts with your Arguments. Other then intro you haven’t written any supportive facts.
      You need to broaden your discussion, in challenge section you have essentially written only one challenge i.e. lack of education. Add more points to it from aspects like economic, political etc.
      In suggestions section some of your points are vague. In his section you can write best practices, or good case study to support your points.

      Read others answer Keep practicing 🙂
      5.5/15,

  6. subhashree mallick Avatar
    subhashree mallick

    pay_HH1EGxOD3EGEhl pls review @swatantra sir

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Subhashree,

      Always quote the source of your data. Other than that Introduction is fine.
      You need to write smaller paragraph and separate different arguments that you want to make.

      Section about empowerment is written fine add facts, case Study here to support your points.

      You must understand that the challenge and their solutions must be in sync. Add Economic and political challenges as you have given solutions for those.

      Conclusion is fine.
      Keep Writing 🙂
      6.5/15

  7. Fun Learning with Rajlaxmi. Avatar
    Fun Learning with Rajlaxmi.

    Review
    Ref no 0000420120

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Rajlaxmi,

      There is one persisting problem with your answer.
      You have good factual content lacks analysis. you need to mold them as per the demand of the question.
      Analysis means in knowledge or idea that we get based on facts.

      Also you need to write challenges faced by women separately before suggesting way forward.

      Read others answers for better understanding. Keep practicing 🙂

  8. Kartikey Singh Avatar
    Kartikey Singh

    pay_HHogiMPYpQ87sC

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Kartikey,

      Overall you have written a good answer.
      For better arrangement of arguments mention issues/challenges in brief writeup after first section.
      In brief write various measures taken by the Govt.
      Then way forward will be more impactful. Also add more points in suggestions.

      Rest is fine. Keep practicing 🙂

      6.5/15

  9. ankita thakur Avatar
    ankita thakur

    Payment HJHAZEWKSzM3CX

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Ankita,

      Your Introduction is fine.
      The way you have written quote it seems forced having no relation with the write up.
      Quote it self is very relevant to the question but you must link it with your write-up so to make it an organic part of the answer.

      You have Written a very good answer especially discussion in first part it can be improved upon by addition of facts.

      When ever you write about potential that can be realized then you must always write hurdles/challenges in its realisation then only steps you have suggested will make more sense.

      Inculcate facts in your answer and address all the possible aspects of the question.
      Rest is fine. Keep practicing for further improvement:)

  10. ankita thakur Avatar
    ankita thakur

    Payment HJHAZEWKSzM3CX
    4th pg

  11. SUMITA DOWERAH Avatar
    SUMITA DOWERAH

    Payment Id: pay HFrdyJMOEZ9967. Please review, Sir.

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Sumita,

      Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine.

      You need to Improve your presentation and space utilisation.
      You have left half of second page unused where you could have Written more points.

      There is repetition in your answer and part Written on Second page and challenges essentially talk about the same thing.

      Write various steps taken by the Govt in brief. And Add more points in each of the section utilise space left unused for that.

      Read others’ answers for better understanding and keep practicing 🙂

  12. Arpit Singh Avatar
    Arpit Singh

    Payment id HHU8LODcXby9Db

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Arpit,
      Your Introduction and Conclusion are well articulated.

      However you have addressed the Question partially.
      Other than talking about the potential role of women in poverty eradication and National development, which you have written Fine but can be improved by addition of facts, You need to write hurdles in it, steps taken by the Govt. Than separately suggest steps taken so far.
      Than only It’ll be wholistic answer.

      You have good analytical skills. Inculcate facts in your answer and address all the possible aspects of a question.

      Keep practicing for further improvement:)

      4.5/15

  13. Dr. House Avatar
    Dr. House

    REF ID: #0000425733
    Please review @Swatantra Sir

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine.
      Overall you have written a fine answer. But there is repetition in first part and second part of the body.
      Along with potential you have written challenges as well.
      Either write the way you have Written but skip writing challenges separately or write both potential and challenges separated from each other.

      Inculcate more facts in your answer also briefly write various steps taken by the Govt. Before way forward.

      Keep practicing for further improvement:)
      6.5/15,

  14. shivanshu pandey Avatar
    shivanshu pandey

    pay_HH4AoVE2qPd386 please review @swatantra

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Shivanshu,

      You have improved your expression in this answer.
      Overall you have Written a fine answer but there are following issues-
      1. Avoid makin a diagram for the part which have to write its just repetition of ideas and misuse of space.
      2. Inculcate facts in your answer. Use them to Support your arguments.
      3. Add Economic aspects in first and and political in all the sections.
      4. Always try to arrange suggestions on the same line as your challenges and your suggestions must address all the challenges you have pointed out.

      Keep in mind above suggestions and keep practicing for further improvement:)

  15. Deepali Rajan Avatar
    Deepali Rajan

    kindly review @swatantra sir
    ref id #420326

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Deepali,

      Your Introduction is fine but lengthy. Concise it add first two paragraphs together.

      You must write in brief aspects which are not directly linked to central idea of question like reasons of poverty rather give more space to core idea.

      Overall your answer is well articulated with addition of facts will add more Value to it. However answer is incomplete.

      Whenever a question ask you to discuss about potential of something you must always write challenges in realisation of that potential and suggest solutions to those challenges than only it’ll be a complete answer.

      Conclusion is well articulated.

      Address all the possible aspects of a question. Read others’ answers for better understanding.

      Keep practicing for further improvement:)

  16. Sana Nawazish Avatar
    Sana Nawazish

    ID-HJjQFLvck5DhqQ
    Please review
    @swatantra sir

    1. Swatantra Avatar
      Swatantra

      Sana,

      Overall you have written a very good answer.
      However You need to concise your write up on first page.
      Give more space to potential and challenges sections.
      In solutions always address all the challenges that you have mentioned. Few of the challenges are not addressed in your suggestions.
      Add facts to substantiate your points.

      Rest is fine. Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂

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