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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – define globalization.
Body –
Explain how globalization has made Indian society creative and prosperous in different aspects. Substantiate it with example
In 2nd part explain how and why globalization has made Indian society more vulnerable. Again, substantiate with example.
Conclusion – give a balancing forward looking concluding remark.
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Santosh,
Your Introduction is fine.
Before starting main body you should to write a paragraph about interaction of India with the world especially post 91 Reforms.
Give facts to support your Arguments and write more effective points like rise of IT/ITeS sector, emerged as major manufacturing hub especially for automobiles and electronic, transfer of technology in various sectors, tourism, promotion of Brand India in the world over etc.
Same can be done in Second part with points like issue of Brain drain, vulnerability of India market due to hot money, speed up of environmental degradation, vulnerability of Indian markets to global havocs like financial meltdown of USA, mindless westernisation, vulnerability due to disease like Covid19 etc.
Child labour issue is not much related to globalised, rather highlight culture related points that you have Written in the last.
Conclusion is missing. Always conclude your answers.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
5.5/15
Please review
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Utkarsha,
Better definition of globalization can be Written in intro.
Rather then repeating questions in second para it would be better if you write briefly India’s interaction with the World especially post 91.
You have Covered diverse area however for better arrangement of idea you should write sector related various areas like social, cultural, Economic etc together.
Also suggest some way forward to balance.
Conclusion is fine though can be Written Better.
Overall good Attempt. Keep practicing:)
Please review
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Gaurishankar,
You need to refine your definition of globalization.
In first part of body you have given too much emphasis on social aspects. Also there is contradiction why Western food is good and clothing is bad ?.
You need to criticise both as both affects our good traditional identities.
Add more effective points like rise of IT/ITeS sector, emerged as major manufacturing hub especially for automobiles and electronic, transfer of technology in various sectors, tourism, promotion of Brand India in the world over, strengthening of democracy and democratic partnership with like minded Nations etc.
Add in second part points like issue of Brain drain, vulnerability of India market due to hot money, vulnerability of Indian markets to global havocs like financial meltdown of USA, mindless Westernisation, vulnerability due to disease like Covid19 etc.
Also give some suggestions briefly about how to balance before writing conclusion.
Conclusion is fine.
Read others’ answer. And Keep writing for further improvement;)
5.5/15
Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are Written fine.
You have Covered both the aspects of the Question. However you need to improve content for this question.
You can add points like rise of IT/ITeS sector, India emerged as major manufacturing hub especially for automobiles and electronic, transfer of technology in various sectors,
natural and medical Tourism, promotion of Brand India in the world over etc.
In Second part you need to diversify your points beyond social and cultural aspects. Also do you have any concrete evidence proving that respect for parents is decreasing ? Avoid Writing such vague points rather write increasing individualism.
Add points like issue of Brain drain, vulnerability of India market due to hot money, speed up of environmental degradation, vulnerability of Indian markets to global havocs like financial meltdown of USA, vulnerability due to disease like Covid19 etc.
You can write some way forward before Conclusion suggesting how to achieve balance.
Keep practicing for further Improvement đ
Review
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Rajlaxmi 0,
In this answer You have written only introduction properly.
Rest is seems like you have not read the question. And have written Whatever comes to your mind.
This is not the way to write answer for CSE exam.
It is not to demoralise you. But you have to write what is asked. Writing random thoughts is not going to get you marks.
These are Practice questions, take your time. Read question properly, understand it’s demand. Take help of Mentor’s Comments, frame answer in your mind than write.
Keep writing:)
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Shubhashree,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine.
You have Covered both aspects of the question. Structure and presentation is also Good.
However you should add more points in both part of the body.
Like under part one Economic- rise of IT sector, India emerged as major manufacturing hub especially for automobile, electronics and pharmaceuticals etc.
Under socio-cultural add promotion of Traditional Indian knowledge, Yoga, Indian Food etc.
In Second part add points like-
Economic- enhanced vulnerability of Indian Economy to global havocs like USA’s Economic Meltdown, hot money,
Social- mindless westernisation, McDonaldisation of food habits etc.
Suggest some ways to achieve balance with Globalization and traditional Indian values.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Ankita,
You will get only 3 pages for a 15 marks question so follow UPSC standard.
Your Introduction is good.
It’s good that you have Written way forward but Conclusion is missing. Always conclude your answer, separate from way forward.
Ankita you have fine understanding of the topic but you didn’t justified the Demand of the question.
You had to write about effects of globalisation on India, but you have written benefits and issues in general with globalisation.
Mold your knowledge as per the Demand of the question.
Read question carefully.
Keep practicing đ
3.5/15
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4th pg
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@Swatantra
Sana ,
Your Introduction is fine.
You have addressed both the part of the question.
Presentation is also fine.
First part of the body is Written well though more Arguments can be added.
You need to make your second part as impactful as first. Here add points like enhanced vulnerability of India market to globals shocks like Financial Meltdown of 2007-08, mindless westernisation, issue of brain drain etc.
Always try to suggest some solutions in a question where you identify some issues/problems.
Read others’answer and Keep writing for further improvement:)
6.5/15
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Sumita,
Your Introduction is fine.
Structure of the answer is good. Presentation is also fine.
However content can be improved upon. You need to write more effective points in both the sections with lesser description about each
Diversity your points into various fields such as Economic- rise of IT/ITes sector, manufacturing sector, natural and medical tourism,
Social- improved connections with diaspora, promotion of Indian traditional culture Yoga etc.
Second part is written Better though more points can be added here also like issue of Brain Drain, increased vulnerability of Indian economy to global shocks, mindless westernisation etc.
Always try to suggest some way forward to achieve balance where ever you identify negatives.
Conclusion is good.
Keep practicing:)
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Deepika,
your introduction is fine.
You have Written both the part of the Question.
However demand of the question couldn’t be met.
This is the question of paper 1 society section but your focus in answer remained on only Economy.
Economy is just one part of society as whole.
You should write about impact of globalisation on areas like social, cultural, Political etc. And Depict their impact on society.
Second page of the answer is unnecessary.
Always be mindful of the part of syllabus you are answering.
Going by our answer it’s seems you have enough content. But you need to read question carefully and mold your knowledge as per the demand of the question.
Read others’ answers for better understanding.
Keep practicing for further Improvement:)
5.5/15
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Kartikeya,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are Written good.
You have addressed both the section of the Question.
However you need to put more focus on the social-cultural angle especially in first part. You can add points like promotion of Indian cuisine, Yoga, Traditional medical and well being sector, cultural tourism etc.
Second part is written Better then first though more points can be added here also.
Also when ever you criticise or find negatives always try to give solutions or way forward before Conclusion. It’s would show constructive Attitude.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
6.5/15
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
Your Introduction is well articulated.
Structure and presentation is good
Arguements you have given are good but they can be more convincing if you support them with facts.
Since this is paper 1 society section you should write impact on society first and mold Arguements for other sectors to link then with society.
Also whenever you find negatives or write criticism always write way forward or suggestions/solutions. To show that you have problem solving constructive Attitude.
Rest is fine. Overall a fine Attempt.
Keep practicing:)
UPI Reference No.-114715258066
Murari,
Your Introduction is fine.
Your have Attempted both the sections of the question However there are following Issues-
1. You should write heading which are more relatable to the question.
2. In benefits section you have focused too much on Economy. This is paper 1 not paper 3. So your primary focus should be society. Add impact on areas like cultural habits, institution of marriage, traditional Indian knowledge like Ayurveda, yoga, cultural tourism etc.
For other sectors you need to mold your arguments to link them with society.
3. Second section is written Better then first though more points can be added here.
In conclusion is very well articulated.
But ideas/suggestions that you have given in last lines to create a balance should be Written separately from conclusion.
(One is suppose to write solutions whenever he criticise or mind negatives in something but it should be Written separately)
Read others’ answer for Better understanding.
Keep practicing:)
5.5/15
Order id: 0000422561
Vishnu,
Your Introduction is fine but it’s very lengthy. Separate your definition from the part where to talk about India’s interaction with Globalisation and write it in different paragraph as linking statement.
Your have Written both the part.
However there are follow things to improve-
1. Always give headings Which are relatable to the question.
2. You have good content but you need to mold it to link with society. Answer in present form looks more like of paper 3 having too much focus on economic angle than paper 1.
3. Arrangement of Arguments can be better if you write points Related one sector at one place.
4. You sound always give solutions or way forward whenever you write criticism or negatives.
5. Conclusion is Fine. But don’t make a habit of write on margins. UPSC levy heavy penalty for doing this that can cause you selection.
Keep Practicing:)
kindly review @swatantra sir
ref id #420326
Deepali,
Your Introduction is very well articulated. However use term ‘double edged sword’ then coin to make more sense of the impact being negatives and positives.
Overall you have written a good answer. Presentation and structure is also good.
Following are few suggestions for improvement-
1. Your can write better headings. In present form it’s shows you are writing about Globalisation not how it impacted society.
2. Since this is paper 1 questions, it would be more impactful if you mold your arguements in other areas to link them with society.
3. Always write way forward whenever you write negatives of something. This should be written separately from conclusion.
Rest is fine. Keep it up.
Keep writing:)
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Shivanshu,
Your Introduction is fine but can be Written Better.
You have addressed the both the parts of the question.
You have good knowledge of the topic However there are following Issues-
1. You need to improve your structure. In present form despite having good content it seems haphazard.
2. Diagram is fine but it cannot be a replacement for the core part. Write in brief about all the points you have raised.
3. Also you should touch upon areas like Economic- rise of IT/ITeS, promotion of entrepreneurship,
Political etc. Just mentioning their name is not enough.
4 second part is written Better but same diversification of idea can be bring in here also
5. Always write some way forward or solutions whenever you write negatives/ criticism of something.
Conclusion is good.
Keep practicing đ
6.5/15
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Arpit,
Your Introduction is fine.
Before addressing main body you can write a linking paragraph pointing out India’s interaction with the world is not new However it be became more intense post 91.
In main body your first part is written good however more points can be added.
Your second part of the answer you have give very poor and vague Arguements. Add facts to support your points.
You need to add here more convincing Arguements like mindless westernisation affecting our cultural identity, eating habits etc., Issue of Brain Drain, vulnerability of Indian economy to global shocks like Financial Meltdown 2007-08 of USA.
Always write way forward or solutions whenever you write criticism or negatives about something. This should be Written separately from Conclusion.
Conclusion is fine.
Read others’ answer and Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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