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“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduce your answer with the importance of nation development.
Briefly put forth the points that suggest that diversity is hurdle.
Explain in detail how diversity has facilitated nation building.
Conclude your answer with remarks which suggests nation development and preservation of culture diversity can go together.
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Vishal,
You must define national development in intro and connect it with society in Introduction.
You have understood the question but you failed in satisfying the Demand.
You have focused too much on hurdle part and written few lines against it, seems in contradiction to your conclusion.
Just write few lines for hurdles and give much more space to write against the statement.
In hurdle section diversify your points than just culture add, Arguments like secessionist movements, demand for smaller states, river water dispute etc.
Give powerful arguments in Support of diversity like Creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional aspirations,
Diversity has kept the democratic process healthy and government responsive
Diversity has been an extraordinary feature of India which increases it soft power internationally etc.
Conclusion is written well .
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
2.5/10
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Anurag,
You have written good introduction.
But you have used too much space before addressing the core demand of the question. Be brief while addressing aspect other than core. Like importance of national development can be written with introduction itself.
You have Written a good answer, use of facts is good in first part of the answer. But same use facts is missing for second part which makes it less convincing. Also You have focused much on culture aspect.
Add arguments here like Creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional aspirations, Diversity has kept the democratic process healthy and government responsive, increases India’s soft power internationally.
Made the makers of Indian Constitution cautious to providing specific safeguards to cultural minorities etc.
Write way forward and conclusion separately.
Overall fine Attempt, Keep writing:)
4.5/10
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Gauri Shankar,
Your Introduction is fine.
You have understood the Demand of the Question and also given good Arguments.
However you must understand that by questions like this UPSC don’t just see your knowledge but also judge how much you believe in core values of the nation.
Always try to take a clear stand specially in statements which are contradictory to our national Value. Diversity in India is an ideal which is being cherished since ages and we can see it is all pervasive from the Constitution, laws by the parliament and Govt policies, even in our life.
So rather giving both aspect equal space just briefly write why diversity seen as hurdle and Focus more on arguments against it.
You have enough knowledge just try to think over on the lines suggested above.
Keep writing:)
3.5/10
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Shubhashree,
In your Introduction it would be better if you talk about the National development and then linking it with diversity.
You have given very good Arguments with example, for Diversity being a hurdle but same conviction is missing in your arguments against it. Use examples there also. Add here points like Creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional Aspirations, makes govt more responsive towards regional development needs
Indian Constitution being cautious about providing safeguards to Diversity etc
Also, you must understand that this statement is against the Indian value System as we cherish and are proud of diversity.
So you must write only 2-3 lines for in Support on the Argument put forth detailed write up against it.
It’ll depict how much you value our National ideals.
Though it may seem to you illogical but UPSC tests one’s Believe in Indian value System with question like this so depict your believe clearly.
Conclusion is very well articulated.
You have enough knowledge for this topic just more conviction is needed.
Keep writing đ
3.5/10
Refid# 422544
Anupam,
In India there are still almost all the religions of the world. However Indian Diversity is not limited to just religion, so you must talk in broader sense in Introduction.
National development is a greater concept than integration.
It would be better if you write about national development in Introduction and connect it with diversity
Also question doesn’t ask you evaluate what were the situation pre and post independence so choose your words (in intro and connecting statement for Second part) wisely.
Argument in Support of the statements are fine but Support it with facts like secessionist movements, demand for different states, Communal violence Delhi 2020 etc.
In Second aspect you have focus only on culture. Diversify your points like Creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional aspirations and some of these states are most peaceful and prosperous today.
Diversity has kept the democratic process healthy and government responsive to demands of
different sections.
Diversity has been an extraordinary feature of India which increases it soft power internationally etc.
Conclusion is written fine.
Read others answers as well.
Keep writing:)
2.5/10
Please review
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Utkarsha,
Your Introduction was started fine than you gave unnecessary reference to Mughal and Guptas. Rise of India as a Nation state happened only with independence so focus should be post independence.
Utkarsha you understood the question but could not do justice with it.
You have written points in detail in Support of the statement, which is less important part and Addressed core part with just an diagram.
Diagram is not a replacement for the core Demand write up.
UPSC tests Aspirants believe in Indian value system with question like this and Diversity is core of Indian society So need to give detailed write up for Second part i.e. against the idea that diversity is a hurdle and write in just 2-3 lines in Support.
Way forward is Written fine but I’ll be effective only after addressing the core part of the answer.
You have enough knowledge just mold your Arguments as per the Demand of the question.
Conclusion is fine.
Keep writing đ
@swatantra sir
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Rahul,
Introduction is fine but you can write better Introduction.
You have understood the question.
Address both the aspects. However answer is not up to the mark.
You have given diverse Arguments in Support of the statement but Arguments against it only dealing with culture. You need to diversify your Arguments. Add points like
Creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional aspirations,
Diversity promotes democratic process healthy and makes government more responsive to demands of different sections.
Diversity helped in increased soft power of India internationally.
Constitution providing safeguards to cultural minorities etc.
You must understand UPSC test aspirants believe in Indian value System with question like this.
Diversity is the value that we are proud of. At times it may delay the process but it cannot be cited as hurdle in development.
So need to focus more on core demand of the question i.e. writing against the Argument in detail with examples.
First aspect I.e. Diversity as hurdle must be written in brief.
Mold your Arguments.
Conclusion is well articulated.
Keep writing for further improvement:)
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Ankita,
Your Introduction is very well articulated but it’s lengthy. It would be better if you can club both the paragraphs into one.
You have understood the question and but couldn’t satisfactorily justify the demand.
Here you need not to write just merit and demerits. This question seeks your stand. Which is not clear. Upsc tests students’ believe in national ideal with such question and so it demand clear stand.
Here you must Write first part briefly and put more focus on the Arguments against statement.
Diversity is an ideal which India cherish, it may cause delay at times but it cannot be claimed as a hurdle in national developed.
Conclusion is very well written. You must highlight the idea given in your conclusion.
You have enough arguments and knowledge. Use facts to support your Arguments.
Keep practicing for further improvement đ
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Shikhar,
For better Introduction You must highlight national development and link it with diversity.
Conclusion is very good.
Overall you have Written a good answer. Covered both the aspects.
However question ask you do you agree ? So you should take a clear stand, make it apparent by Writing.
Don’t leave it to the evaluator.
Such questions are given to test Aspirants believe in national ideals. Your write up is correct. In Second part you must cite Examples to support your Arguments like you did for the part.
Rest is fine. Keep writing:)
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Kartikeya,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are very good.
Overall you have Written a good answer. Though your stand is clear but In this type of question you must write your stand explicitly, don’t leave it on the evaluator.
Also give more weightage to the Arguments against the statement. Add more points to it like creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional aspirations and some of these states are most peaceful and prosperous today, Diversity has kept the democratic process healthy and government responsive to demands of different sections,
Made the makers of Indian Constitution cautious about providing safeguards to cultural minorities.
Overall fine answer. Keep practicing:)
4.5/10
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Sumita 4.5,
You have Written a very good Introduction, which essentially summed up the the Demand of the Question.
You have addressed both the parts. Written good Arguments.
However to add value to your answer give facts/ case Study for substantiating second part also like you did for the first.
Also add more arguments citing positive impact of state reorganization, FYP, Constitutional ideal, soft power in foreign policy etc.
Also make your stand explicit by Writing. Such questions are asked to test the Aspirants believe in ideals that are cherished by India as nation
Overall a good Attempt. Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Second page is here…
Abhaa,
Your Introduction is fine.
You have given various Arguments. However question doesn’t ask you to write positive and negatives. Here you need to mold your Arguments.
Essentially it ask do you see Diversity as a hurdle ?
See this statement made about Diversity is against our national ideal, India cherish and proudly claim Diversity as it’s strength to the world.
So you must not give much space for the support of the statement, rather write in detail which depict why Diversity is not a hurdle. Questions like this are asked essentially to test the believe of Aspirants in ideals that India as a nation holdfast dearly.
Take a clear stand and substantiate it with your Arguments.
You have enough points for it just mold them as per the question.
Conclusion is written well. Keep writing:)
3.5/10
kindly review
ref id #000420326
Deepali,
Your Introduction is very lengthy. Concise it. It took you almost half a page to start writing main body of the answer.
You have understood the question correctly, even your final stand is correct. But you need to write more convincing Arguments, in both the sections.
For example: in first add points like secessionist movements, demand creation of smaller and smaller units, Regionalism etc.
In second you can use arguments like creation of linguistic states has fulfilled regional aspirations and some of these states are most peaceful and prosperous today, Diversity kept the democratic process healthy and made government responsive, Helped in promotion soft power internationally, etc.
Read others’ answers for better understanding. Keep practicing đ
2.5/10
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Shivanshu ,
It would be better if you club both the paragraphs and link Development with Diversity in Introduction itself.
You have written points for both side still it’s not clear what is your stand on the statement.
Question like this demands your clear stand as it objects one of the most important value of our national Value system.
Write explicitly you agree or not.
You should write first part of the question in brief and give more space to second part which opposes the statement. Also diversify argument in second part of the question.
Conclusion can be written Better.
Read others’ answers for better understanding. Keep practicing:)
2.5/10
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Arpit,
To make it wholistic You must link national development with diversity in the Introduction.
question ask you do you agree with the statement or not.
So you must take a clear stand here.
Also first you should write “briefly” why some people think of diversity as a hurdle in 3-4 lines. And then put forth much more convincing Arguments with facts/case studies against the statement as it questions one of the core values of India as a nation.
Conclusion is fine.
You have enough knowledge about the topic just present it as per the Demand of the question.
Read others’ answers for better understanding, Keep writing:)
2.5/10
Please review @Swatantra sir
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Prashant,,
You have written a half page long introduction. Concise it. Your Introduction should not be longer than 1 paragraph also you must give 3/4th part to write main body.
Your stand is clear which is good.
However you need to add more arguments to support your stand like, how despite creation of state on linguistic lines has fulfilled regional aspirations and some of these states are most
peaceful and prosperous today.
Diversity led to deepening of democracy and made govt more responsive towards Various sections of the nation,
diversity helped in promotion of India’s soft power internationally etc.
Write conclusion separately from your main body.
Read others’ answer as well. And Keep practicing:)
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
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